LL Cool Newton's Laws of Motion
What's up internet! I gots to thank Alexis for letting me GUEST BLOG up in here. I want to talk to you about a topic that is very near and dear to my heart: FLY-ASS HONEYS! Ha ha, your boy LL Cool Newton is just playin'. Although I do appreciate a fly-ass honey with a big ole' butt, today I am here to talk to you about CLASSICAL PHYSICS.
A lot of sucker MCs out there don't understand the fundamentals. They be trippin' on that quantum theory tip! Don't get it twisted. I'm not tryin' to play like string theory ain't a brand new flavor in ya ear. Stephen Hawking: you a true playa! But, like, MCs gotta respect their roots, right? Ain't no string theory or quantum superpositions without the law of universal gravitation!
In the interest of respectin' history, Imma share with you a few excerpts from my forthcomin' publication: Walking With Schroedinger's Panther. After the pic, son!
LL COOL NEWTON'S FIRST LAW OF MOTION:
Once she gets to pumpin' it's hard to make the hottie stop
This is probably my most famous law right here. That's why it's first, son!
This law ain't just apply to around the way girls! This right here applies to any object in the known universe, son! That includes everything from planets to the power meter on my radio (which will not decrease). That's why I play my radio every day, even on the subway. Woulda got a summons, but I ran away. PHYSICS BE DOPE, SON!
This law of motion right here has a corollary. If it ain't already movin', that ish is gonna be real hard to move. Going back to Cali, to Cali to Cali? Man, I don't think so.
LL COOL NEWTON'S SECOND LAW OF MOTION:
The act of making love = pink cookies in a plastic bag getting crushed by buildings
A lot of ladies will say tell you that size is irrelevant. Psssh, that's jus' a nice way of making you feel better about yo' sorry ass. PHYSICS DON'T LIE, SON! Doin' it, doin it, and doin' it well is a product of your mass and your acceleration.
Of course, you gotta factor in her size as well. Lots of ladies have big ole' butts: Tina, Brenda, Lisa. You can properly incorporate the booty mass with the equation: How a big girl like it = Nice + Slow.
LL COOL NEWTON'S THIRD LAW OF MOTION:
Don't call it a comeback
It's real simple, son. Mama exerted a force, so Imma exert a force. Sorry you got knocked out, but that's jus' how physics do.
Works on contingency? No! Money down!