Listen up, stupid! Class is in session and Professor Simpson is at the helm of the ship. The topic is biology and I have a PHD (Positively Helping Dum-Dums) in LIFE AN' SHIT.

First up: GLYCOLYSIS, BITCHES! The energy investment phase

6:30am: Wake up!

6:35am: Say a prayer!

6:40am: Enjoy a shower!

6:42am: Weep softly under the cover of the sound of the rushing faucet

6:48am: Brush teeth!

7:00am: Eat a healthy breakfast. Maybe a Stouffer's Apple Banana Breakfast Crunch!

7:25am: Beep beep! It's commutin' time!

7:27am: Scream into the driver's side window and also the very soul of that mother fucker who dared drive into your lane when you were just about to drive there


8:45am: Pull into your parking space! Boy, life is fun! Oh hey, Judy!!!

9:15 am: Post delicious recipe for Stouffers' Mexican Lasagna! (just add canned jalapenos to a Stouffer's Frozen lasagna!)

9:27am: Post apology to Pat Wardaugh for the Stouffer's commercial with the doorbell that keeps upsetting her dogs.

9:45am: Delete pornographic comment involving clever pun on Stouffer's Savory Meatballs and Penne Pasta. People sure are clever!

10:15am: Morning toilet sob!

10:30am: Is it break time already? "I" "M" ready for an "A" "M" snack! Maybe a Stouffer's Three Cheese and Ham Panini!

11:00am: All-department meeting to discuss the February promotional campaign. Judy pitched "VALentine's VALue!" That Judy! She is SO clever!

12:02pm: Post apology to Chris Zadoronzy for the Stouffer's commercial with the doorbell that keeps upsetting his dog.

12:27pm: Pre-lunch copyroom defeated rocking spell!

12:35pm: Lunch with Judy! Maybe a Stouffer's white meat chicken pot pie!

1:35pm: Post recipe for Stouffer's Mexican Cheesy Spaghetti Bake! (just add canned jalapenos to a Stouffer's Cheesy Spaghetti Bake)!

1:42pm: Post apology to Susan Gilbert for the Stouffer's commercial with the doorbell that keeps upsetting her dogs.


2:45pm: Attend cake and punch reception to celebrate Judy's promotion! Way to go, Judy!


3:22pm: Afternoon toilet sob! 


3:45pm: Enjoy first non-Stouffer's item of the day: three bottles of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill. Yum!


4:02pm: god damn it Judy you fucking bitch i fucking hate you i will shit in your cubicle 


4:45pm: Clean carpet

5:00pm-9:00pm: ????

9:15pm: Come to eating a frozen Stouffer's Zesty Stuffed Pepper that is still frozen. You know, it's pretty good this way!

9:30pm: Finish another bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill while watching the Stouffer's commercial with the doorbell that keeps upsetting people's dogs. 

10:30pm: Kiss favorite angel statue goodnight. Goodnight!