"an anne frank diary in a lisa frank notebook"
- plato
  • Home
  • Pictures
  • Video
  • Resume
  • Writing
  • Contact
  • Calendar
  • Links & Archives
  • Who is this
"an anne frank diary in a lisa frank notebook"
- plato

a blog?

follow my
79-step plan
to
success,
success!
success?

Feist does stand-up

3/26/2013

0 Comments

 
How's everyone doing tonight? Wonderful. I'm very happy to be here, doing comedy for you. Here is my first joke: A man walks into a bar, and cries himself to death.
You guys may be wondering, "Why is Candian-born indie darling Feist, known best as the haunting voice behind the popular song 1234, doing stand-up comedy?" I say to you, "Why not?" As I say in my other popular song I Feel It All, the wings are wide! In this case, the wings are my activities outside of music, and they are wide like the wings of a chicken (which is a very, very funny bird).

Here is my second joke. Earlier today I was contemplating a flower. It was beautiful and delicate. My own hands, long and graceful, seemed short and sinewy as they grasped the flower's stem. How is it possible that this beautiful creature could be held captive by such ugliness? How was I allowed to live while this plant lay in my palm dying? No longer able to withstand the unfairness of it all, I dropped the flower into the mud. Then: a farting sound. Pthhhhhh.

I believe that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. Also, they are different. As an example: men always leave the toilet seat up, whereas women will have sex and regret it.

I would like now to talk about relationships. They are difficult! Here is a joke about how hard it is to meet people:  a lot of people do computer dating, because conveyed through a cold, sterile machine the pain of rejection is much less severe. I do not prefer computer dating, even though it is so hard to meet people. I like to see people face to face, in the dim starlight of a city night, so that I can more accurately imagine what they'll look like when they leave me.

How about politics? They sure are upsetting to people. Why is it that some people feel a certain way and live on the East or West coast, and other people feel a certain way and live in the middle of the country? I wish that we could all find common ground, such that 9/11 was very sad. 

Sometimes I think about 9/11, and how it was for the people that did not live through the day. The rest of us were given the gift of a light at the end of a very dark tunnel.  The terror and fear were softened in the aftermath, when people reached towards each other and decided that together, we did not have to be afraid. We could look at pictures of fireman rescuing frightened people covered in ash, and take comfort in the triumph of human spirit over this act of destruction. But the victims could not, because they had died. And then: Pthhhhhhhhhhh.

Thank you very much that was a callback, I have been Feist. 
0 Comments

The Week of a Thousand Shows

3/20/2013

0 Comments

 
Keepin' it short because I have a lot of shows this week and before I feel comfortable being in publci under stage lights I have to get ALL of my skin resurfaced. I just go down to Home Depot and rent a belt sander, take it home, turn off my phone, and spend the next few hours in blinding, agonizing beautification. 

This week are no fewer than four, count 'em FOUR places to see me do dumb jokey jokes. Come to any one of them!

Wednesday 9:30pm - BANDIT improv, iO West mainstage
Wednesday 10:30pm - Rare Bird Show @ Chompie Chomp's improv romp, iO West Loft
Thursday 8:30pm - Super Kudzu in the LA Scripted Comedy Festival, iO West DCT
Friday 9:30pm - Bone Mouth in the LA Scripted Comedy Festival, iO West DCT


All shows are at iO West (6366 Hollywood Blvd, Hollywood CA). GO NOW!
0 Comments

I love my dog so much

3/19/2013

0 Comments

 
Picture
0 Comments

The Terrible Consequences of Exercise

3/12/2013

0 Comments

 
Exercise: it's everywhere! Doctors are constantly yammering about the importance of incorporating strength training into your cardio routine. TV commercial announcers noisily hawk the latest in high-technology equipment. Even as we speak, people are jogging down the streets of various towns with impunity. Any one of these charlatans would, if given the opportunity, talk to you endlessly about the so-called benefits of exercise.  But has any one of them ever been honest about the inevitable TERRIBLE CONSEQUENCES?!?!?

Picture
Side effects include resemblance to a young Jennifer Connelly with a jaw disfigurement; general douchery


I, for one, have had it up to here with these j-holes giving just one side of the coin- a coin they probably used to decide which of their exercise-addicted sports teams would kick the sports ball first. So before you decide to put down that jar of mayonnaise and pick up that frozen ham (for lifting purposes, stupid! Not for eating!), consider sitting on your dumb flabby butt for just a few moments more. Read on and consider thee FOREWARNED!!!

Read More
0 Comments

Like, a Totally Modest Proposal

3/8/2013

0 Comments

 
A TOTALLY MODEST PROPOSAL

by "Jonathan" Taylor Swift

Picture
It is a melancholly Object to those, who walk through this great Town, or travel in the Country, when they see the Streets, the Roads, and Cabbin-Doors, crowded with Actors of the male Sex, followed by three, four, or six Musicians, all in Leather, or Ironic Tee-Shirts, and importuning Me for a Date, but then turning out to be total Jerkwads. 


Read More
0 Comments

    RSS Feed

    Categories

    All
    Animals
    Around Towne
    Bragging
    Chucklesluts
    Coolness
    Erwriteica
    Ewriteica
    Funvention Korner
    Girl Stuff
    Improv
    Lil' Set Tip
    News
    On Set
    Philosophy 101
    Press
    Rare Bird Show
    Tv Pitches

    Archives

    January 2016
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    December 2014
    August 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    August 2013
    June 2013
    March 2013
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    August 2011

    Author

    Works on contingency? No! Money down!

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.