How's everyone doing tonight? Wonderful. I'm very happy to be here, doing comedy for you. Here is my first joke: A man walks into a bar, and cries himself to death.
You guys may be wondering, "Why is Candian-born indie darling Feist, known best as the haunting voice behind the popular song 1234, doing stand-up comedy?" I say to you, "Why not?" As I say in my other popular song I Feel It All, the wings are wide! In this case, the wings are my activities outside of music, and they are wide like the wings of a chicken (which is a very, very funny bird).
Here is my second joke. Earlier today I was contemplating a flower. It was beautiful and delicate. My own hands, long and graceful, seemed short and sinewy as they grasped the flower's stem. How is it possible that this beautiful creature could be held captive by such ugliness? How was I allowed to live while this plant lay in my palm dying? No longer able to withstand the unfairness of it all, I dropped the flower into the mud. Then: a farting sound. Pthhhhhh.
Here is my second joke. Earlier today I was contemplating a flower. It was beautiful and delicate. My own hands, long and graceful, seemed short and sinewy as they grasped the flower's stem. How is it possible that this beautiful creature could be held captive by such ugliness? How was I allowed to live while this plant lay in my palm dying? No longer able to withstand the unfairness of it all, I dropped the flower into the mud. Then: a farting sound. Pthhhhhh.
I believe that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. Also, they are different. As an example: men always leave the toilet seat up, whereas women will have sex and regret it.
I would like now to talk about relationships. They are difficult! Here is a joke about how hard it is to meet people: a lot of people do computer dating, because conveyed through a cold, sterile machine the pain of rejection is much less severe. I do not prefer computer dating, even though it is so hard to meet people. I like to see people face to face, in the dim starlight of a city night, so that I can more accurately imagine what they'll look like when they leave me.
I would like now to talk about relationships. They are difficult! Here is a joke about how hard it is to meet people: a lot of people do computer dating, because conveyed through a cold, sterile machine the pain of rejection is much less severe. I do not prefer computer dating, even though it is so hard to meet people. I like to see people face to face, in the dim starlight of a city night, so that I can more accurately imagine what they'll look like when they leave me.
How about politics? They sure are upsetting to people. Why is it that some people feel a certain way and live on the East or West coast, and other people feel a certain way and live in the middle of the country? I wish that we could all find common ground, such that 9/11 was very sad.
Sometimes I think about 9/11, and how it was for the people that did not live through the day. The rest of us were given the gift of a light at the end of a very dark tunnel. The terror and fear were softened in the aftermath, when people reached towards each other and decided that together, we did not have to be afraid. We could look at pictures of fireman rescuing frightened people covered in ash, and take comfort in the triumph of human spirit over this act of destruction. But the victims could not, because they had died. And then: Pthhhhhhhhhhh.
Thank you very much that was a callback, I have been Feist.
Sometimes I think about 9/11, and how it was for the people that did not live through the day. The rest of us were given the gift of a light at the end of a very dark tunnel. The terror and fear were softened in the aftermath, when people reached towards each other and decided that together, we did not have to be afraid. We could look at pictures of fireman rescuing frightened people covered in ash, and take comfort in the triumph of human spirit over this act of destruction. But the victims could not, because they had died. And then: Pthhhhhhhhhhh.
Thank you very much that was a callback, I have been Feist.
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