If you think it is hard to find a job in this economy as a human, imagine how hard it is as an elf! There are literally three jobs you can apply for: 

1) Santa Elf
2) Cookie baker
3) Hollywood stereotype

Well, that's not entirely true. There are a lot of jobs an elf can apply for. There are far fewer jobs that he or she can get. In the spirit of the celebrating the holidays by comparing yourself to living things that have it worse than you, here are three resumes from various elves that were recently not hired for jobs. 

Ah, December. The snow is blowin', the chestnuts are a-roastin', and the neighbors' yards are eyesorein'. That can mean only one thing:  the ho-ho-holidays are upon us! Whoops, silly me, there I go using the plural objective pronoun "we" when we all know that this holiday season you're alone, desperately alone! Yeah yeah yeah, you have friends and family, but none that you are willing to put on pants to see. 

Despite your inability to find the will to interact with other human beings, you'll need to eat. Declining eVite after eVite burns more calories than you'd think! But what to eat? You could get delivery again, but the pizza guy is starting to give you worried looks. What you're really in the mood for is a home-cooked meal free from the judgement of a teenager in an ugly ballcap. But all of those so-called recipe sites only publish recipes for 2-4 people or, even more horrifying, parties of 8 or more! What is a loner to do?

Great news! Which you probably guessed because of the title of the blog! Me, Alexis Simpson, self-proclaimed Food and Sadness Expert, Ph.D. and D.D.S, has written a thoroughly researched* recipe book for those about to dine alone. Because the only difference between "Dine alone!" and "Die alone!" is the letter N! I'm pretty sure that's from Sesame Street.

*thorough research not guaranteed