ACCEPTABLE PLACES FOR NUDITY
The shower
Nude beach
Film, artistic
While doing it
Film, "Artistic"
Mother's womb
While "Streaking" (other college pranks also acceptable)
Burning Man

UNACCEPTABLE PLACES FOR NUDITY
Brunch
Chemistry class
Church (except Nude Church)
Non-nude beach
Commercial airline flight (excl. First Class)
Figure drawing class; ie no "Sympathy Modeling"
Fatsuit infomercials
On top of a pile of clothed bodies
Public libray

BECAUSE I COULD NOT STOP THE CART

Because I could not stop the cart
I ran over a Kid
The Cart held me plus some Guy
We both ran and hid

Not a lot of intro today, because I want to get right to it. Also I have to leave in approximately ten minutes in order to go teach children. As is always the case before I go change the lives of today's youth, I'm going to write a bunch of filth. Yes, it's the latest installment of my genre-smashing sensuo-comic "Ewritica" MASTERPIECE ChuckleSluts: A Sexy Story About Sex. The previous chapter is here; if you need more help than that, I'm not the gal to give it to you. At least not today.

As always, an arbitrary picture of something so you won't feel cheated if you don't feel that you can't safely read more after the jump.

I have some news that may shock and amaze you. I do a lot of auditioning for commercials, but do you know what? Not a single person running these auditions ever asks me if I've got awesome ideas for product slogans! CAN YOU RIPLEY'S BELIEVE IT OR NOT!!!!! Thank god for the internet or else these incredible ideas would be lost to the ages, and advertising agencies would have to hire people to do this sort of "slogan writing" for them. Disgusting!

I've gone ahead and complied some of my "FW", also known as my "Finest Work." So if any products happen to be reading this blog, pay attention! You could have your mind blown right out of your head if you're not careful.

The brilliant slogans are all after the jump, because you should always have to work for it.

It's not every day that a single tweet makes me stop everything I am doing and write a whole ENTIRE blog. As we all know, a blog entry is not something one can just slap together while attempting to distract oneself from one's inane survival job. A blog entry takes a certain degree of craftsmanship, artistry, and technical know-how (read: the ability to find and post pictures of animals shopping). So if a blog appears, it means that something beautiful has mated with something majestic and created a special creature that can only be described as "majestiful." NO, DON'T EVEN SUGGEST "BEAUTIFIC", that is how people describe lame hair salons.

So anyway, I was typing "Breaking Bad" into Netflix's search field. Yeah, I could probably just bookmark it, or click on the Recently Watched icon that makes it play instantly but what if that's not the episode I want to watch, I dunno, shut up. And as it turns out, once you type B and R into the search field, Netflix has all kinds of helpful guesses as to what you want to watch. Breakout Kings? it asks. Brad Pitt? Bratz: Super Babyz? Bratz Kidz: Fairy Tales? Bratz Kidz: Sleep-Over Adventure?

If you notice a pattern here, pat yourself on the fucking back, bro! In fact, roughly 90% of the search results are fine examples of cinema from the production company that  clearly has a major financial stake in the colon. How else would you explain titles like Bratz: Babyz: Shopping Listz: Milk, Diaperz, Eggz: Organik?

This is probably a good time for you to stop reading the blog entry. There's nothing else of any interest in the remaining text, and there are certainly no embarrassing admissions that one particular film titled Bratz: Babyz: The Movie caught my attention to the point that I almost watched it instead of Breaking Bad. I mean, with a title like that, it's probably the first one in the series. You don't want to dive into Bratz: Super Babyz without establishing a relationship with and investing in the babyz that will eventually become super.

As I contemplated  live streaming a cartoon meant for pre-teens starring diapered mutants with freakishly large eyes, it occurred to me that I was part of a very rare (and likely uncoveted) demographic of people who will watch Breaking Bad who will also watch Bratz. So if anyone wants to help me develop a series about diapered mutants with freakishly large eyes who lead a startling double life in the underground drug trade, then I would love to talk to you about Bratz: Babyz: Meth Dealerz.