These days in our modern times that are now, it can be very hard to tell if you are in a relationship or not! Even harder is knowing if you're in a relationship with the right person or the wrong filthy pile of rags. Luckily, the internet is little more than a steaming pile of digestible lists that can tell you how to live your stupid life better and/or whether you are even living it! So I present to you this list of six signs you are DEFINITELY in a relationship with a person and not a filthy pile of rags. Life is short so be long! #blessed!
1) HE SPEAKS TO YOU IN A HUMAN LANGUAGE
Guys are famous for having a hard time expressing how they really feel. But an inanimate object, such as a filthy pile of rags, will have an even harder time because it lacks the proper anatomy to produce the sounds or gestures that are the base components of human speech. If your man is speaking to you in a language such as English, Spanish, Arabic, Chinese, Urdu, or sign language, it's a good sign that you're in a relationship with a person.
2) SHE NOTICES THE LITTLE THINGS BECAUSE SHE HAS A FUNCTIONING PERIPHERAL NERVOUS SYSTEM
It can be hard to tell if your partner is taking you for granted or if she's a long-forgotten pile of filthy rags that was once intended as an "upcycle" project. But if she is using her eyes, ears, or hands to detect stimuli in the external world, it's very likely that you have gotten involved with a person. Bonus points if she uses various neural networks to interpret the meaning of these stimuli!
3) HE MENTALLY RESERVES A "DATE NIGHT" FOR JUST THE TWO OF YOU USING HIS PREFRONTAL CORTEX, WHICH HE HAS
Your guy may talk the talk and walk the walk and have eyes, but until he is exhibiting executive functions like planning and working memory (say, looking up a restaurant on Yelp and remembering the phone number long enough to dial it), there's just no way to be sure he isn't a sad heap of castaway cloth too disgusting to even put in the hamper.
4) SHE SPENDS TIME DOING ACTIVITIES BOTH OF YOU LOVE INSTEAD OF EXISTING INDEFINITELY AS A SESSILE LUMP
Spending time together is a one of the most important aspects of a healthy, human, non-rag relationship. Some couples enjoy active hobbies like biking, hiking, or tennis. However, enjoyment of more sedentary activities, like a night at the movies or a couple's game of chess, is still a good sign that you are dating a person. But if you haven't ever seen your partner move, it could be a sign that she lacks standard human physiological features like muscle tissue and motor neurons, and is probably a heap of discarded t-shirts and underwear.
5) HE ENCOURAGES CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AND RESISTS MOLD GROWTH
Is he the kind of partner that challenges you to be your best self? Or is he the kind of partner that remains motionless in a forgotten corner of the garage and incubates Peronosporaceae? If it's the latter, watch out. That's a family you DON'T want to meet!
6) SHE IS BAD AT ABSORBING SPILLS
The next time you knock over a glass of chianti, reach for your partner. If the Tuscan wine is just kind of smearing around and spreading all over the floor, you are definitely in a relationship with a person. If it soaks into her cotton-poly blend fibers, sorry. It's rags.
Guys are famous for having a hard time expressing how they really feel. But an inanimate object, such as a filthy pile of rags, will have an even harder time because it lacks the proper anatomy to produce the sounds or gestures that are the base components of human speech. If your man is speaking to you in a language such as English, Spanish, Arabic, Chinese, Urdu, or sign language, it's a good sign that you're in a relationship with a person.
2) SHE NOTICES THE LITTLE THINGS BECAUSE SHE HAS A FUNCTIONING PERIPHERAL NERVOUS SYSTEM
It can be hard to tell if your partner is taking you for granted or if she's a long-forgotten pile of filthy rags that was once intended as an "upcycle" project. But if she is using her eyes, ears, or hands to detect stimuli in the external world, it's very likely that you have gotten involved with a person. Bonus points if she uses various neural networks to interpret the meaning of these stimuli!
3) HE MENTALLY RESERVES A "DATE NIGHT" FOR JUST THE TWO OF YOU USING HIS PREFRONTAL CORTEX, WHICH HE HAS
Your guy may talk the talk and walk the walk and have eyes, but until he is exhibiting executive functions like planning and working memory (say, looking up a restaurant on Yelp and remembering the phone number long enough to dial it), there's just no way to be sure he isn't a sad heap of castaway cloth too disgusting to even put in the hamper.
4) SHE SPENDS TIME DOING ACTIVITIES BOTH OF YOU LOVE INSTEAD OF EXISTING INDEFINITELY AS A SESSILE LUMP
Spending time together is a one of the most important aspects of a healthy, human, non-rag relationship. Some couples enjoy active hobbies like biking, hiking, or tennis. However, enjoyment of more sedentary activities, like a night at the movies or a couple's game of chess, is still a good sign that you are dating a person. But if you haven't ever seen your partner move, it could be a sign that she lacks standard human physiological features like muscle tissue and motor neurons, and is probably a heap of discarded t-shirts and underwear.
5) HE ENCOURAGES CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AND RESISTS MOLD GROWTH
Is he the kind of partner that challenges you to be your best self? Or is he the kind of partner that remains motionless in a forgotten corner of the garage and incubates Peronosporaceae? If it's the latter, watch out. That's a family you DON'T want to meet!
6) SHE IS BAD AT ABSORBING SPILLS
The next time you knock over a glass of chianti, reach for your partner. If the Tuscan wine is just kind of smearing around and spreading all over the floor, you are definitely in a relationship with a person. If it soaks into her cotton-poly blend fibers, sorry. It's rags.
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