The long version of this blog post: Once upon a time, I went to a salon for a haircut. The nice hairdresser talked me out of getting bangs because they're a lot of maintenance and, you know, you have nice bone structure, so why hide that pretty face? I'm the kind of person that listens to flattery from gay men. I'm also the kind of person that once went into Subway during their $2 6-inch sandwich deal and pretended to order a sandwich for myself and a fake person instead of just saying "So this mean I can have a $4 footlong, right?". For the record, I ordered essentially duplicate sandwiches, though I switched up the cheese to keep those Subway sandwich artists guessin'! Needless to say, I let the guy do a bang-less cut, and watched with envy as the world around me sideswept their way to happiness and success.
Now that I'm a little older and a little wiser, I stormed into Frenchy's of Burbank and told the delightful Armen about my desire for bangs. The consultation began with the same compliments of my bone structure and admittedly my first thought was "Oh no, here we go down the same dark road. Stand your ground, Simpson!". But wouldn't you know, Armen told me I had a nice, wide forehead that would hold bangs nicely? And he didn't even make fun of me for having obviously gone 6+months without a cut? Nope, he just got down to business. Approximately 30 minutes later, I emerged from under the little barber tarp with a haircut to write home about.*
*Blogging = 21st century equivalent of writing home
Some of you may know that I'm an etymology dork. Most of you probably don't know that, because you probably got here because you were googling that crazy homicide case in Maryland. FYI = I'm a different Alexis Simpson! Anyway, I'm an etymology dork and so of course I had to look up "bang" in the dictionary.
I'll leave out the 1st two meanings, because they are boring. And I'm going to leave out the hair-related meaning (which likely comes from the sense of abruptness that bang evokes), because that wasn't what interested me. Here's the wheat I separated from the chaff:
3. informal A sudden burst of action
4. slang A sense of excitement
YEAH MAN! I'm not saying that hair changes your life or anything, but I bet that dog in that photo up there has an awesome week planned.
The short version of this blog post: I got my hair did.