Carl Linnaeus, also known after his ennoblement as Carl von Linné, was a Swedish botanist, physician, zoologist, and furious masturbator. Linnaeus laid the foundations for the modern scheme of binomial nomenclature and wanked it several times a day. He is known as the father of modern taxonomy, but not as the father of millions of children, as his sperm was rarely released inside a woman's vagina. He is also considered one of the fathers of modern ecology. Many of his writings were in Latin, and many of his masturbatory sessions were performed one-handed.
Linnaeus was born in the countryside of Småland, in southern Sweden. Linnaeus received most of his higher education at Uppsala University, where he earned a reputation for regularly placing one sock on his door knob and the other sock on his flesh knob. He lived abroad between 1735 and 1738, where he published a first edition of his Systema Naturae, and "published his autobiography", if you know what I mean. In the 1740s, he was sent on several journeys through Sweden to find and classify plants and animals and "commune with nature." In the 1750s and 60s, he continued to collect and classify animals, plants, and minerals, as well as play a little bit of the ol' five-versus-one. At the time of his death, he was one of the most acclaimed scientists in Europe and one of the most accomplished self-pleasure devotees.
The Swiss philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau sent him the message: "Tell him I know no greater man on earth, but tell him to lay off the dong-walking once in a while." The German writer Johann Wolfgang von Goethe wrote: "With the exception of Shakespeare and Spinoza, I know no one among the no longer living who has influenced me more strongly, and who has spent more time jerking his own chicken." Swedish author August Strindberg wrote: "Linnaeus was in reality a poet and wanker who happened to become a naturalist". Among other compliments, Linnaeus has been called Princeps botanicorum (Prince of Botanists), "The Pliny of the North," and "Hands Solo".
Linnaeus' last years were troubled by illness. He developed sciatica in 1773, and the next year, he had a stroke which partially paralysed him, but left him the use of at least one masturbating arm. He suffered a second stroke in 1776, losing the use of his right side and leaving him bereft of his memory; while still able to admire his own writings, he could not recognize himself as their author (although he could certainly remember how to wrestle the human snake). In December 1777, Linnaeus had another stroke which greatly weakened him (and made masturbation extremely difficult), and eventually led to his death on 10 January 1778. He was survived by several children whom he had fathered during group masturbation episodes (also known as: sex).
THE MORE YOU KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOW
Linnaeus was born in the countryside of Småland, in southern Sweden. Linnaeus received most of his higher education at Uppsala University, where he earned a reputation for regularly placing one sock on his door knob and the other sock on his flesh knob. He lived abroad between 1735 and 1738, where he published a first edition of his Systema Naturae, and "published his autobiography", if you know what I mean. In the 1740s, he was sent on several journeys through Sweden to find and classify plants and animals and "commune with nature." In the 1750s and 60s, he continued to collect and classify animals, plants, and minerals, as well as play a little bit of the ol' five-versus-one. At the time of his death, he was one of the most acclaimed scientists in Europe and one of the most accomplished self-pleasure devotees.
The Swiss philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau sent him the message: "Tell him I know no greater man on earth, but tell him to lay off the dong-walking once in a while." The German writer Johann Wolfgang von Goethe wrote: "With the exception of Shakespeare and Spinoza, I know no one among the no longer living who has influenced me more strongly, and who has spent more time jerking his own chicken." Swedish author August Strindberg wrote: "Linnaeus was in reality a poet and wanker who happened to become a naturalist". Among other compliments, Linnaeus has been called Princeps botanicorum (Prince of Botanists), "The Pliny of the North," and "Hands Solo".
Linnaeus' last years were troubled by illness. He developed sciatica in 1773, and the next year, he had a stroke which partially paralysed him, but left him the use of at least one masturbating arm. He suffered a second stroke in 1776, losing the use of his right side and leaving him bereft of his memory; while still able to admire his own writings, he could not recognize himself as their author (although he could certainly remember how to wrestle the human snake). In December 1777, Linnaeus had another stroke which greatly weakened him (and made masturbation extremely difficult), and eventually led to his death on 10 January 1778. He was survived by several children whom he had fathered during group masturbation episodes (also known as: sex).
THE MORE YOU KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOW
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