Sad news, readers. This is the final chapter of Chucklesluts: A Sexy Story About Sex. Good news: that sentence should have read "This is the final chapter of Chucklesluts: A Sexy Story About Sex... until I feel like writing another one." That's the great thing about freedom: having it!
Read more... after the jump!
Read more... after the jump!
Hello? Who's there? Alexis phoning it in? I don't get it.
Chucklesluts: A Sexy Story About Sex
Chapter 5
Chapter 5
Last time on Chucklesluts: In the dark, smoky lobby of The Comedy Whorehouse, Crystal and Todd frenched so hard they were practically Algerian. Seriously, people were singing La Marseillaise all over the place, that's how hard they frenched. Suddenly...
"Coming up to the stage, please give it up for CRYS!" boomed the open mic host. Crystal, her moist mouth wet with kiss juice, pulled away from Todd's heaving lips and looked at the stage. "Oh no!" she cried. "That's me! I was so sexually turned on by you that I forgot to sign the rest of my name!"
"That's ok, baby," Todd whispered into Crystal's good ear (she was kind of deaf in one of them). "I think nicknames are sexy. I used to jerk off to Cher's fitness video posters."
"Ooo, you make me wanna bury it so bad, I don't even want to do this comedy that is my dream."
"But baby, I'm also turned on by comedy," Todd retorted, with his dick full of blood. "I also used to jerk off to episodes of Margaret Cho's American Girl. Remember the episode when her brother wanted to be a singer?"
Crystal nodded. She knew what she had to do. She had to go up and do her set, and also rub one out with Todd. "Come up on stage with me, baby," she indicated, with her finger- her long, flowy finger that would soon be used to poke Todd in the butthole. She would also poke him any other place he found pleasurable (she was that kind of lady).
Todd followed Crystal up to the stage, his scalp and balls sweating with hot, foamy desire. He thought about his wiener, and how hard it was, and how much he wanted to show it to Crystal. He had such a wiener to show her! She would find his wiener impressive, so much so that she would call it a "winning wiener" and then they would laugh and orgasm. He had it alllllll planned out (by "it" I mean the sex they were going to have).
The two of the walked onto the stage like a Native American walked the Trail of Tears: bravely and filled with disease. There were some differences, though. The diseases Crystal and Todd had were sexually transmitted (from all the sex they had had with other people). Also, they walked onstage under their own volition (and were in no way forced by Andrew Jackson, who at this point in time was long dead).
Once onstage, Crystal took the microphone. She put it in her mouth, inserting it all the way into her throat. The speaker moaned with feedback noises. Todd pooted a little. Crystal pulled the mic back out of her mouth and said "How's everybody doing tonight?" Then, with sexual comedic timing, she followed up with "I am doing... IT!" With Todd's help, her pants and underpants slid off of her ass and cradled her ankles. Todd held her boobs and rubbed them like a scratch-off lotto ticket. This was one lottery he was going to win. Without being able to wait, he plunged his wang into Crystal's vag, and stirred her puss like a cup of Starbucks coffee, yelling "I NEED TO ADD...CREEEEEEEEEEEAM!"
Crystal came soon after. Breathing audibly, she picked the mic back up and said "Take that, Cheslut Handjobbler ( a real comic)."
"Coming up to the stage, please give it up for CRYS!" boomed the open mic host. Crystal, her moist mouth wet with kiss juice, pulled away from Todd's heaving lips and looked at the stage. "Oh no!" she cried. "That's me! I was so sexually turned on by you that I forgot to sign the rest of my name!"
"That's ok, baby," Todd whispered into Crystal's good ear (she was kind of deaf in one of them). "I think nicknames are sexy. I used to jerk off to Cher's fitness video posters."
"Ooo, you make me wanna bury it so bad, I don't even want to do this comedy that is my dream."
"But baby, I'm also turned on by comedy," Todd retorted, with his dick full of blood. "I also used to jerk off to episodes of Margaret Cho's American Girl. Remember the episode when her brother wanted to be a singer?"
Crystal nodded. She knew what she had to do. She had to go up and do her set, and also rub one out with Todd. "Come up on stage with me, baby," she indicated, with her finger- her long, flowy finger that would soon be used to poke Todd in the butthole. She would also poke him any other place he found pleasurable (she was that kind of lady).
Todd followed Crystal up to the stage, his scalp and balls sweating with hot, foamy desire. He thought about his wiener, and how hard it was, and how much he wanted to show it to Crystal. He had such a wiener to show her! She would find his wiener impressive, so much so that she would call it a "winning wiener" and then they would laugh and orgasm. He had it alllllll planned out (by "it" I mean the sex they were going to have).
The two of the walked onto the stage like a Native American walked the Trail of Tears: bravely and filled with disease. There were some differences, though. The diseases Crystal and Todd had were sexually transmitted (from all the sex they had had with other people). Also, they walked onstage under their own volition (and were in no way forced by Andrew Jackson, who at this point in time was long dead).
Once onstage, Crystal took the microphone. She put it in her mouth, inserting it all the way into her throat. The speaker moaned with feedback noises. Todd pooted a little. Crystal pulled the mic back out of her mouth and said "How's everybody doing tonight?" Then, with sexual comedic timing, she followed up with "I am doing... IT!" With Todd's help, her pants and underpants slid off of her ass and cradled her ankles. Todd held her boobs and rubbed them like a scratch-off lotto ticket. This was one lottery he was going to win. Without being able to wait, he plunged his wang into Crystal's vag, and stirred her puss like a cup of Starbucks coffee, yelling "I NEED TO ADD...CREEEEEEEEEEEAM!"
Crystal came soon after. Breathing audibly, she picked the mic back up and said "Take that, Cheslut Handjobbler ( a real comic)."
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