Coolness tips start after... THE JUMP!
To that argument, I say fie! How could a person who is instinctively cool possibly teach others to be cool? Can a goldfish teach other goldfish how to breathe water? Does a mountain goat give an award-winning lecture series on how to climb mountains? Do you not put your hand on a hot stove and then put it away EVEN WITHOUT THE HELP OF ONE OF THOSE INEXPLICABLY POPULAR FOR DUMMIES BOOKS?
The way I see it, the best teachers are those who had to learn it for themselves. All through school, I never got a seat at the cool kid's table- but I also didn't sit at the table where for 23 minutes straight the weird kid threw a plastic bag in the air and watched it float back down. It is from this coveted middle ground that I claim my expertise. Dorks of the universe: let me be your Sacagawea into these unchartered territories.
COOLNESS LESSON #1: Skateboarding is cool
SUPER cool. Just look at Tony Hawk. He looks like he should be authoring a book about Robotics-based Vegan Cooking, not divorcing three hot ladies and branding one of the most successful video game franchises of all time. Disclaimer: I am in no way advocating branding as being cool.
Here is a helpful visual demonstrating how skateboards affect coolness:
NEXT TIME on Coolness: A How-to Guide: I don't know! Did we not discuss that I don't predict the future? Freakin' hire Patricia Arquette to call up Nostradamus for you, already! Jesus!