Today is Election Day: the most important and insufferable day on our national calendar! Celebrate our nation's commitment to government by the people by pressing a little button, then avoiding all of your friends who won't shut up about how awesome voting is! Also stay away from the ones who tell you that voting doesn't matter. Apathy is contagious!
I'll definitely be voting. Unfortunately, my preferred candidate did not make it on the ballot. They said he was ineligible! Can you believe it?!? Just because he is not human and also long dead? Pssssh. Racism rears its ugly head, you guys.
I'll definitely be voting. Unfortunately, my preferred candidate did not make it on the ballot. They said he was ineligible! Can you believe it?!? Just because he is not human and also long dead? Pssssh. Racism rears its ugly head, you guys.
Looks like I'll just have to make do with a human, living candidate who as far as I know does not play any keyboards. Lesser of two evils, maaaaan.
HERE ARE THE JOKES
Q: How did the town decide which leper to avoid?
A: An elect-shun.
Mitt Romney walked in to a bar. He asked the bartender, "Is this a bar?" The bartender replied "Yes, this is a bar. This is Joe's Bar and I am a bartender." Romney asked, "Are you sure this is a BAR?" Frustrated, the bartender said "YES this is a bar! What did I just say?" Romney sighed and said, "Well I can't drink here. I'm a rePUBlican!" The bartender said nothing, just blinked a few times in stone-faced disapproval.
Q: Why did the voter get shot in the head?
A: He voted in a John Wilkes Booth!
Q: Why did the psychoanalysts take the ballots away from the college students?
A: Because the Voter Freud committee decided they were too Jung
Q: Why did Obama go to Ikea?
CHOOSE YOUR FAVORITE PUNCHLINE BASED ON YOUR PARTICULAR POLITICAL AFFILIATION!
A: Because he is a relatable everyman who demonstrates his ability to use government resources wisely by using discretion when spending his personal resources!
A: Because he is a socialist Commie who hates America and all things American made. Ikea more like IKENYA, amiright you guys!
A: 'Cause... you know, he needed a new... cabinet.
HAPPY DEOMCRACY YOU GUYSSSSSSSSSSS
A: An elect-shun.
Mitt Romney walked in to a bar. He asked the bartender, "Is this a bar?" The bartender replied "Yes, this is a bar. This is Joe's Bar and I am a bartender." Romney asked, "Are you sure this is a BAR?" Frustrated, the bartender said "YES this is a bar! What did I just say?" Romney sighed and said, "Well I can't drink here. I'm a rePUBlican!" The bartender said nothing, just blinked a few times in stone-faced disapproval.
Q: Why did the voter get shot in the head?
A: He voted in a John Wilkes Booth!
Q: Why did the psychoanalysts take the ballots away from the college students?
A: Because the Voter Freud committee decided they were too Jung
Q: Why did Obama go to Ikea?
CHOOSE YOUR FAVORITE PUNCHLINE BASED ON YOUR PARTICULAR POLITICAL AFFILIATION!
A: Because he is a relatable everyman who demonstrates his ability to use government resources wisely by using discretion when spending his personal resources!
A: Because he is a socialist Commie who hates America and all things American made. Ikea more like IKENYA, amiright you guys!
A: 'Cause... you know, he needed a new... cabinet.
HAPPY DEOMCRACY YOU GUYSSSSSSSSSSS
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