Oh man, the history buff money is ROLLING IN! Just the other day, I found a quarter on the ground! Looks like my ship has come in- my MONEY SHIP! Note: a money ship is a lot like a money clip, except a) it's bigger, b) it floats, and c) it has T-Pain hanging out on it. So as long as this ship is docking, I'm gonna keep reporting th e history.
July 20th, 1969: the astronauts of Apollo 11 landed on the moon. But we're not here to talk about what happened on that famous Sunday. We're here to get the scoop on the poop on the not-quite-as-famous Friday before.
Read more after the jump.... to SPAAAAAAAACE!
July 20th, 1969: the astronauts of Apollo 11 landed on the moon. But we're not here to talk about what happened on that famous Sunday. We're here to get the scoop on the poop on the not-quite-as-famous Friday before.
Read more after the jump.... to SPAAAAAAAACE!
Commander of Apawllo 11. Different mission.
THAT TIME THOSE GUYS LANDED ON THE MOON
It's widely known that astronauts are very religious. While our Founding Fathers took great care to prohibit any religious tests as a qualification for public office, they specifically wrote in religious tests for astronauts. I don't have the exact quote in front of me. Paraphrased, it's something like: "This is totally the Constitution and I say that if We the People ever send some sort of magickal Flying Aire-Schooner to the Moon or whatever, the Men aboard said Schooner shall be Men of Faithe, Goodeness, and Pietye, for they will be our Ambassadores to God, if you believe in that Sorte of Thinge (amirighte Franklin?). Guyse, do We the People really need all these extra E's? CONSTITUTION OUT!"
That was totally the Constitution and so you know that I, like any good, highly-paid historian (always researching history from behind the wheel of my BENTLEY), am telling the documented truth. So anyway, these super-religious astro-men realized that they would be landing on the moon on a Sunday. A SUNDAY! How is an astro-man supposed to go to church when he's on the moon?!? Houston, we have a spiritual problem! A Constitutional crisis, even! John Jay was rolling over in his grave like some sort of upset rotisserie chicken!
So what were the boys to do? Well my friends, luckily there is a little thing called "Storefront night church." No need to worry about making it to church on a Sunday; these churches are constantly open! I drive by these churches all the time and no matter the day of the week, there are worshipers gathering, swaying in time to the Godly sounds of some incomprehensible religious shit. It's probably a a holdover from the days when the building was a store. Like, maybe the lease specifies that the building has to be open during normal retail hours or something, I dunno.
That was totally the Constitution and so you know that I, like any good, highly-paid historian (always researching history from behind the wheel of my BENTLEY), am telling the documented truth. So anyway, these super-religious astro-men realized that they would be landing on the moon on a Sunday. A SUNDAY! How is an astro-man supposed to go to church when he's on the moon?!? Houston, we have a spiritual problem! A Constitutional crisis, even! John Jay was rolling over in his grave like some sort of upset rotisserie chicken!
So what were the boys to do? Well my friends, luckily there is a little thing called "Storefront night church." No need to worry about making it to church on a Sunday; these churches are constantly open! I drive by these churches all the time and no matter the day of the week, there are worshipers gathering, swaying in time to the Godly sounds of some incomprehensible religious shit. It's probably a a holdover from the days when the building was a store. Like, maybe the lease specifies that the building has to be open during normal retail hours or something, I dunno.
The point is Neil, Buzz, and the guy no one ever remembers were saved- metaphorically! The three Christ-ronauts went to a nearby storefront church on Friday. They prayed, they sipped communion wine, they ate religious crackers, they prayed again. The service was something about how Jesus took one small step for man and left only one set of footprints. It was confusing, but Neil was able to get a good pull quote out of it.
Religiously fulfilled, the men of Apollo 11 left their Friday church and went straight to the launching sight to board the rocket ship that would famously carry them to the moon. Yes the rocket launched on a Friday and landed on a Sunday, I'm definitely sure that that's physically possible and no I don't need to look it up. Citations are for losers.
That's the story of the Friday before the moon landing. Of course there are people who claim that the Friday before the moon landing was faked, that the storefront church was a movie set, that because of the direction of the wind that day the church flag would have been flying a different direction, etc. But don't worry. Buzz Aldrin punched all of those guys in the face.
Religiously fulfilled, the men of Apollo 11 left their Friday church and went straight to the launching sight to board the rocket ship that would famously carry them to the moon. Yes the rocket launched on a Friday and landed on a Sunday, I'm definitely sure that that's physically possible and no I don't need to look it up. Citations are for losers.
That's the story of the Friday before the moon landing. Of course there are people who claim that the Friday before the moon landing was faked, that the storefront church was a movie set, that because of the direction of the wind that day the church flag would have been flying a different direction, etc. But don't worry. Buzz Aldrin punched all of those guys in the face.
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