Helpful Toyota Manual is Helpful

I drive a Toyota Yaris and it is every bit as good as you think. It is like driving a Volkswagen Jetta without that itching feeling that you're supposed to go vegan. It is also kind of like driving a Ford Focus without having to drive a Ford Focus. HA HA take that, inanimate object! I burned you so hard.

The car is cute and the gas mileage is solid. The only down side is that the manufacturer assumes the drivers are absolute neanderthals. From my driver's manual:

For serious, engine missing? Just how low is your opinion of the average consumer, HMMM? "Engine? Who needs an engine? I'll just crank some Kaci & Jojo and sing 'I believe I can drive' like there's a gun to my head.  I mean who wants to pay $3.50 a gallon when faith is for the price of FREE?!?"

 How does an engine go missing, anyway? Are they hypersenstive like teenagers and always planning to run away? Do they have trouble avoiding stranger danger?

Here are some other helpful tips from the manual that are absolutely definitely in the manual, probably. Do not take the absence of photographic evidence to mean that these aren't actually in the manual. They so definitely totally are. Probably. 

• To start your car, start it.
• Horn is located on steering wheel. WARNING: Horn is not a jazz horn.
• Toyota is a car company. A car is a moving box with wheels. Wheels are round like pizza, but are NOT edible. 
• To check mirror: Look in mirror. Do you see you? Mirror is working! Do you not see you? Mirror is broken, or you are a vampire!
• To stop your car, start it. JUST KIDDING LOL Toyota is so funny! To stop your car, lose the engine.