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"an anne frank diary in a lisa frank notebook"
- plato

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I would think Mary Worth would be more careful

11/15/2011

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Mary Worth is America's Oldest Sweetheart, hands down. Everyone's all up in Betty White's panties, but I think it's time to give Mary her proper dues. Betty is fantastic, I'm not denying that. And she does have a certain 3-dimensional, respirational quality to her that sets her apart. You need those kind of traits to be n Golden Girls or run a pet appreciation society. But to those who say the SNL hosting gig must go to living, breathing, nonfictional people, I say FIE! Mary, there is not an SNL sketch in recent memory that couldn't be improved by a picture of your matronly visage.

That's why I was a little surprised by today's Mary Worth. It's... pretty raw. 
Picture
Oooooo, sounds like someone's test results came back from the lab! Now I bet you're glad you stopped by that truck in the Rite-Aid parking lot, even though Toby was all like "That ain't no health clinic truck, that's just a food truck. Probably some fat guy all making taco biscuits in there. Let's get OUTTA HERRRRRRE." Look Toby, Mary is trying to face those dark years of promiscuity and poor decisions made in self-loathing the responsible way. So why don't you drink your seabreeze and then fall off a cliff and die? Mary: you rev up that whoring finger of yours and START DIALING!

Anyway, I know very well that this storyline isn't about sexy sexy sex education; it's about dumb credit card fraud or something. Boooooooring. But - a girl can dream, can't she?
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