I'm making the Wurst jokes today

I've been tweeting today, world- and it ain't pretty. Seriously, you never sausage bad puns. They're so awful they'd make you peppergroany in agony or kiel-basa over in pain. In casing you haven't noticed, I'm still at it. You'd think that with all that I have at steak - my health, a prime relationship, a burger-geoning career - I wouldn't risk alienating audiences by acting jerky.  How do I meat those rare audiences that'll hear my word play and cry "Well done"?!? Aye, there's the dry rub!

Seriously though, I have a problem.