Guys, we need a show about inventing stuff. For serious. We'd call it Funvention Korner. We would deliberately misspell "corner" so as to prove how much fun is being had. Corners with a "c" are not fun. You who hangs out on "c"orners? Losers. You know what gets sold on "c"orners? Newspapers. You know how "c"orners are formed? THROUGH BORING, TEDIOUS PARLIAMENTARY PROCEEDINGS. And not the kind of Parliament you're hoping it is, neither.
I know, George. I know.
Funvention Korner will have absolutely no corners of any kind. We will proudly cut corners whenever possible. Cutting corners is the first step towards a Funvention, and a Funvenful life. Do not even come at me with any Creedence Clearwater Revival-based arguments, 'cause I don't give a fuck about Willy and the Poor Boys. My foot taps for no corner band, and this nickel in my pocket is to keep this dime company. Straight up.
Funvention Korner will feature a host discussing the inventions of guests and how such an invention may or may not improve our everyday lives. Embarrassing questions may or may not come up; perhaps tea is served. The show would be hosted by Kitty Carlisle, except that Kitty Carlisle is regrettably deceased. If someone could get on inventing a way to resuscitate Kitty Carlisle, that would be awesome. We could devote a whole episode to you and your invention - as long as you succeed without any of those horrific unintended consequences that generally go along with raising the dead. I imagine it is probably going to be sometime before we can get the real deal, so in the meantime we will accept poor imitations and recycled archival footage.
Here's a list of inventions that can be invented for the pilot episode. Nerdlingers and Jet Propulsion Lab Enthusiasts: get out your t-squares and get to inventin', 'cause this round of ideas is on me.
1) The Parent Hood. Get ready to toss your bjorns, slings and papooses aside, America. Carry that baby like an African woman carries a jug of water. Babies are like 70% water anyway, right?
2) Sad Feet: The shoes that weep. Not sure about usefulness or whathaveyou, but the mascot is a penguin with chronic depression and that is just too good to keep from the free market.
3) Instant Swan Kit. This one is easy, you just have to get a nice small sweater and a cooperative duck.
4) SWIMFLUTE: The musical bathing suit! Please be cautious about placement of the finger holes, thanks.
5) A giant plastic butt. This is not really an invention per se, but the dimpling I'm imagining is surely an improvement over the current model.
6) Asclanket: The blanket with an ascot! Self-explanatory.
Happy funventing!
Funvention Korner will feature a host discussing the inventions of guests and how such an invention may or may not improve our everyday lives. Embarrassing questions may or may not come up; perhaps tea is served. The show would be hosted by Kitty Carlisle, except that Kitty Carlisle is regrettably deceased. If someone could get on inventing a way to resuscitate Kitty Carlisle, that would be awesome. We could devote a whole episode to you and your invention - as long as you succeed without any of those horrific unintended consequences that generally go along with raising the dead. I imagine it is probably going to be sometime before we can get the real deal, so in the meantime we will accept poor imitations and recycled archival footage.
Here's a list of inventions that can be invented for the pilot episode. Nerdlingers and Jet Propulsion Lab Enthusiasts: get out your t-squares and get to inventin', 'cause this round of ideas is on me.
1) The Parent Hood. Get ready to toss your bjorns, slings and papooses aside, America. Carry that baby like an African woman carries a jug of water. Babies are like 70% water anyway, right?
2) Sad Feet: The shoes that weep. Not sure about usefulness or whathaveyou, but the mascot is a penguin with chronic depression and that is just too good to keep from the free market.
3) Instant Swan Kit. This one is easy, you just have to get a nice small sweater and a cooperative duck.
4) SWIMFLUTE: The musical bathing suit! Please be cautious about placement of the finger holes, thanks.
5) A giant plastic butt. This is not really an invention per se, but the dimpling I'm imagining is surely an improvement over the current model.
6) Asclanket: The blanket with an ascot! Self-explanatory.
Happy funventing!
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