Presidential Debate Coverage!

Ladies and gentlemen, we are just a few short weeks away from Election Day. That's anywhere from three to three hundred and sixty five days. Sorry that's not a more specific number. I don't have time to look up the actual number of days before the election, and my Vice President of Counting Down To An Event recently left to found IsItChristmas.com.  I'd ask my Countdown To An Event intern, but we haven't had one of those since the day the Olsen twins finally turned 18. Ugly, ugly stuff.

Anyway, you're probably so excited for the upcoming weeks that you are hard and/or wet! Yes, you are soaking wet from watering your patriotic victory garden so much, and you are hard from the additional muscle you've put on as a result of lifting heavy campaign signs! What an exciting time! Also, your sex junk is all tingly.

I know my dozens and dozens of readers count on me for up-to-the-minute coverage de eleccion (which is French for "Election Coverage said in a made-up Spanish dialect"). I shall not disappoint. I AM YOUR BLOGGER AND YE SHALL NOT WANT! Now, go forth! And click on the Read More link! AND REEEEEAAAAAAAD MORRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Jim Lehrpurrrr: Moderating!

The debate started off to an excellent start which is much better than starting off to a finish, or even a middle. Beginning this way means that no holes in the time-space contiuum were ripped and Albert Einstein has no need to roll over in his grave, which is EXTRA good because he doesn't really have a grave and so his brain would have to just sorta flop around in a jar.

The first statement was made by the incumbent (pictured).

He talked A LOT about his desire to move the country in a singular direction; no more sitting on the fence about being inside or outside. He promised to walk through that door and stay on that side of the door for at least 2 or 3 hours. He also brought up the economeow (which is of course on everyone's mind, now that mice are trading for cents on the dollar) and how he'd make it his number one priority. He reminded the audience that he had worked hard to paw across the aisle, but repeatedly had his initiatives blocked by an obstructionist Dogress. "Those dogs in Dogress, they claim they want bipartisanship. What they don't mention is that the only party they're willing to work with is Homo Sapiens. That's right: they're in the pockets of Big Human!"  Then kneaded the podium a few times and took a nap.

The challenger had a strong showing. He's fighting off the image that he's a member of the out-of-touch elite, a fat cat who has lived a life of Fancy Feast dinners and Feline Pine-filled litter boxes. He did a really good job tonight of showing voters that he is accessible; that he is willing to climb into a lap and stay there for a few minutes without hissing or scratching anybody. He was pretty deep into a very impassioned speech about the need for privatization to stimulate economic growth when someone whipped out a laser pointer, and then it was all over. But he did manage to elaborate on his stance on immigration reform; "We need to increase security at our borders. As president, I will increase armed guards and patrols at all of our nation's pet doors, because I am pretty tired of all these possums getting into the house."

Then BatCat showed up. He wouldn't shut up about his dead parents. It really bummed everyone out.