If you think it is hard to find a job in this economy as a human, imagine how hard it is as an elf! There are literally three jobs you can apply for:
1) Santa Elf
2) Cookie baker
3) Hollywood stereotype
Well, that's not entirely true. There are a lot of jobs an elf can apply for. There are far fewer jobs that he or she can get. In the spirit of the celebrating the holidays by comparing yourself to living things that have it worse than you, here are three resumes from various elves that were recently not hired for jobs.
1) Santa Elf
2) Cookie baker
3) Hollywood stereotype
Well, that's not entirely true. There are a lot of jobs an elf can apply for. There are far fewer jobs that he or she can get. In the spirit of the celebrating the holidays by comparing yourself to living things that have it worse than you, here are three resumes from various elves that were recently not hired for jobs.
Cruddle
The cuddly elf with a ruddy complexion and also a skin infection! Cruddle was recently rejected from a marketing position at Yum! Brands.
The cuddly elf with a ruddy complexion and also a skin infection! Cruddle was recently rejected from a marketing position at Yum! Brands.
Jingle
Born Nimthiriel of Rivendell, "Jingle" shed her High-Elven moniker and adopted the less formal, more brand-appropriate name upon joining the Claus Global Inc. executive family. As COO, she oversaw centuries of growth and built a reputation as a fun-loving, some-nonsense executive with business savvy to spare. However, when the recession of the early 2000's brought Claus Global its first quarterly loss in almost 400 years, shareholders revolted! Jingle was given the boot. Despite her well-connected ancestry and her Ivy League qualifications, Jingle has had a tough time marketing herself. Last month Jingle was not was not granted an interview for a Regional Management position at PetCo.
Born Nimthiriel of Rivendell, "Jingle" shed her High-Elven moniker and adopted the less formal, more brand-appropriate name upon joining the Claus Global Inc. executive family. As COO, she oversaw centuries of growth and built a reputation as a fun-loving, some-nonsense executive with business savvy to spare. However, when the recession of the early 2000's brought Claus Global its first quarterly loss in almost 400 years, shareholders revolted! Jingle was given the boot. Despite her well-connected ancestry and her Ivy League qualifications, Jingle has had a tough time marketing herself. Last month Jingle was not was not granted an interview for a Regional Management position at PetCo.
Snowflake
Snowflake started with an entry-level manufacturing job and worked his way up through Santa's corporation before being let go due disagreements with both management and the labor union over what he termed "Communist policies." After spending a year in the Montana backcountry working on his manifesto and unironically collecting unemployment benefits, he's now ready to join the free market! Snowflake was recently turned down for a webmaster position at the Cato Institute.
Jingle
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