Song of Myself - by Meg Whitman

I CELEBRATE myself, and sing myself,
And what I assume you shall assume,
For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you. Except I am better,
Because I was the CEO of eBay.

My tongue, every atom of my blood, form'd from this soil,
     this air,
Born here of parents born here from parents the same, and
     their parents the same,
And not from any filthy non-American country
Because immigrants are weird and scary.

  Houses and rooms are full of perfumes, the shelves are
     crowded with perfumes,
I breathe the fragrance myself and know it and like it,
So why not purchase it via an online auction
At a substantial discount compared to in-store retail shopping?

 Have you reckon'd a thousand acres much? have you reckon'd
     the earth much?
Have you practis'd so long to learn to read?
Have you felt so proud to get at the meaning of poems?
Bully for you, but that is kinda lame
I mean, consid'ring I made a bajillion dollars running a fortune 500 company
and then ran for office.

Stop this day and night with me and you shall possess the
     origin of all poems,
You shall possess the good of the earth and sun, (there are
     millions of suns left,)
These things, and more, can be purchased
      through either a traditional auction-style
Or through our "Buy It Now" button,
    which I invented, for I am smart and good at business.

You shall no longer take things at second or third hand, nor
     look through the eyes of the dead, nor feed on the
     spectres in books,
You shall not look through my eyes either, nor take things
     from me,
You shall purchase them at reasonable prices from sellers within an economy
    regulated only by the hand of the free market, and nothing else.
Look! O, look upon the hand of the free market!

The past and present wilt — I have fill'd them, emptied them,
And proceed to fill my next fold of the future with cheaper labor from India.

Do I contradict myself?
Running for a major political office after 28 years of non-participation in elections?
Saying that I don't feature ads about fencing in our borders while simultaneously showing campaign ads that show us fencing in our borders?
Hiring an undocumented houseworker and firing her right before my political campaign?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)

Who has done his day's work? who will soonest be through
     with his supper?
Who wishes to walk with me?
I hope it's cool
If you walk
And I take my horse