Man, I was totally in the mood to do a Lifetime Original Movie review. There's nothing quite like a LOM to satisfy your urge for shitty films about scorned women. This one time they tried to pass Diane Keaton off as a junkie. That was AWESOME.
But I was thwarted by the absolutely deplorable content of Lifetime movies currently available. Only certain number of LOMs are available at any given time on the official Lifetime website, and they usually all deal with the same themes. I don't just mean things like at Christmastime, they show Christmas-y stuff (which would be reasonable). Right now every single one is about hauntings, murders, or haunted murders. You'd think they'd mix it up and throw in at least one film about a woman who is trying to Have It All meeting that guy she can't stand! And then she can't stand him some more! And then, LOVE. I love that movie!
I guess in the right frame of mind I'd be able to get behind The Pastor's Wife, a classic "Based on a true story" LOM in which a scorned lady kills the hell out of some lady-scorner, and we're all like "Who's the real victim here, HMMMM?" and lessons are learned. But I want to know what I'm getting into, so let's read some of the reviews:
"This was a good movie" - annamarienicole
Ok, not a lot of info to go on here, but so far so good! Let's read another one:
OMG, I was on the edge of my seat THE entire movie. I have never heard of anything like this happening before, maybe its because the way people are in the South. One good thing about the South is that alot of people Salsa dance. I really like to go Salsa dancing." - lifetimesexymama
Hmmm, I wonder if she was on the edge of her seat because she was sharing it with her misconceptions about the South? Anyone else think she's confusing the South with Mexico, and then Mexico with Cuba?
Still, people are LOVING The Pastor's Wife. Let's look at one more:
"I REALLY LIKED THIS MOVIE IT WAS VERY INTERESTING BUT SHE REALLY WAS CONVINCING IN COURT BUT IN THE END I THINK THAT SHE REALLY MEANT TO DO IT!" - TRAY
That is definitely the most glowing review I've ever seen given by an inanimate object. TRAY carries lunch foods, positive opinions! Boo ya!
In spite of the glowing reviews, I think I might wait for the Christmas movies, which are right around the corner. Here's a gem I'm looking forward to:
Recipe for a Perfect Christmas - J.J., a new food critic, makes a deal with a bistro owner that will hopefully keep her wacky mom distracted.
Wacky mom? A WACKY mom? Now this is the kind of Lifetime Original Movie I can get behind - and in front of! You guys: A wacky mom! I'll just bet she's always pressuring her food critic daughter about getting married. So food critic daughter is all like, "Handsome bistro owner: if you pretend you're in love with me, then I'll review your bistro soooooo good. Everybody wins!" I'll bet she never expects to fall in love... for real! WACKY MOM!!!
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