Hey America! Tired of all of the Columbus Day-themed Facebook whining? Ready for a holiday - or should I say HELLiday - that can make you laugh? I know I am. But don't throw your money away on one of those cheap, "professionally published" joke books. Come on down to Alexis Simpson's Halloween Joke-porium, where the jokes are free and mostly safe for human consumption! Ha ha, consumption. A lot of people died from that once! HALLOWEEEEEEEEEEN!
JOKE TIME
Q: What is a ghost's favorite month?
A: Not the one he or she died in, probably!
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Halloween!
Halloween who?
Halloween your child off of breast milk for God's sake, he's six years old!
Two ghosts walk into a bar, and everyone got reeeeaaaaallllly cold without knowing why.
Q: Why didn't Dracula have any friends?
A: He was a narcissist!
Q: What company did the monster engineers' union sue for harassment?
A: BOOOOOOOOEING
A skeleton walks in to a bar. He goes to the bartender and says, "I'm going to need a beer and a mop, because I am an alcoholic, and also a neat freak." Then the bartender cried.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Orange!
Orange who?
Orange is the Protestant color of protest.
What does that have to do with Halloween?
I dunno. OH SHIT LOOKOUT IT'S A MONSTER!
Q. Why was the little monster crying?
A. His Mummy was deemed unfit to parent by child protective services!
Q. Why were the bees eating each other? And when I say eating each other, I mean tearing into each other without a second thought or a shred of remorse. We're not talking Alive-style, survival eating of one's own kind. This was pointless cannibalism. The bees staggered past their normal food sources of pollen and nectar and tore into the flesh of their bretheren. OH THE HUMANITY! THE AGONY!
A. They were ZOM-bees!
HAPPY HOWLIDAYS, A-BUTTS!
JOKE TIME
Q: What is a ghost's favorite month?
A: Not the one he or she died in, probably!
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Halloween!
Halloween who?
Halloween your child off of breast milk for God's sake, he's six years old!
Two ghosts walk into a bar, and everyone got reeeeaaaaallllly cold without knowing why.
Q: Why didn't Dracula have any friends?
A: He was a narcissist!
Q: What company did the monster engineers' union sue for harassment?
A: BOOOOOOOOEING
A skeleton walks in to a bar. He goes to the bartender and says, "I'm going to need a beer and a mop, because I am an alcoholic, and also a neat freak." Then the bartender cried.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Orange!
Orange who?
Orange is the Protestant color of protest.
What does that have to do with Halloween?
I dunno. OH SHIT LOOKOUT IT'S A MONSTER!
Q. Why was the little monster crying?
A. His Mummy was deemed unfit to parent by child protective services!
Q. Why were the bees eating each other? And when I say eating each other, I mean tearing into each other without a second thought or a shred of remorse. We're not talking Alive-style, survival eating of one's own kind. This was pointless cannibalism. The bees staggered past their normal food sources of pollen and nectar and tore into the flesh of their bretheren. OH THE HUMANITY! THE AGONY!
A. They were ZOM-bees!
HAPPY HOWLIDAYS, A-BUTTS!
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