I have no beef with Muse. They're totally fine, or whatever. In fact I am known to jam out whenever Starlight is on the radio. But do you know I always think when I jam out to Starlight on the radio? I think, "Man, Rufus Wainwright is in a HELL of a good mood!" Just sayin'. And what I'm just sayin' is that the guy has kind of a girl voice and sings lyrics about wanting to Hooooooooollllllld you. That is very not typical of music guys are into, no? So with 99 problems and the band Muse not among them, I feel an urge to solve the mystery of Why Do Dudes Like This Particular Band Soooo Much?
Fact-finding and evidence after ...the jump!
- Muse sings a lot about space, and dudes love them some space.
- The lead singer is knock knock knockin' Kate Hudsons' boots. I did not think guys were into Kate Hudson, but I guess playing a free-spirited hot groupie in a film about '70s music will forever endear you to dudes. And if you're the guy who catches this floozy butterfly in your net, and you are not the scarecrow-looking fellow from the Black Crowes, then you are SOOOO. COOOOL.
- Lyrics such as "I don't care if I live or die" speaks to the part of every dude that wants to not care if he lives or dies, but can't because of obligations. Every dude wants to come off as possessing this James Dean-esque not giving a fuck, no matter how grounded and 9-to-5 and interested in TIAA-CREF Bond rates this quarter he might actually be.
- If you Google image search Muse, then squint, they kinda look like Green Day. Hey guys! Remember Green Day?!
- I have just been informed that the lyrics are actually NOT "I don't care if I live or die;" rather, they go something like "Away from the people who care if I live or die." I don't really get this; wouldn't you want to hang around the people who care if you live or die? I mean that is just basic survival at work. Well, sense or no sense, I guess he's talking about being on a boat. Dudes love boats, right?
- Magazines are always putting the lead guitarist on lists of BEST GUITARISTS!!! OF ALL TIME!!! Ladies and gentlemen of the internet, that is probably the keystone to the archway of male appreciation for this band. You can sing falsetto about how all you want is to pay for dinner and listen to complaining, but as long as you shred that axe, dudes will feel okay about liking your music.
ANOTHER MYSTERY SOLVED, WATSON!