Jeff Foxworthy made a huge name for himself with his formulaic "You might be a redneck!" jokes in the late 80's-early-90's era known to historians as "The Hammerpants Period." The predictable one-liners gave comfort to millions of racist Americans, who even found Will Smith "a little too threatening." During the height of his popularity, Foxworthy signed over his signature style to thousands of struggling products hoping to capitalize on the relatable, down-homey popularity of the "You might be a (blank)!" set-up and punchline. One such product: The American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Presenting pages from the DSM-IV, Jeff Foxworthy Edition: Putting the FUN in Impaired Mental Functioning!!!
A page from the chapter on Mood Disorders:
If you eat cold beans out of the can because the thought of cooking them overwhelms you, you might have major depressive disorder!!
If you finally got out of bed after hours of working up to it, only to make it as far as the couch, you might have major depressive disorder!
If you look at the guitar that used to bring you joy and see only a wooden noose strung with broken dreams, you might have major depressive disorder!
If you think about taking a shower but conclude "What's the point? I'll only start smelling again once I die," you might have major depressive disorder!
If you feel guilty for missing a party, breaking up Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, and causing the Holocaust, you might have major depressive disorder!
If voicemails from your loved ones sound like nothing but static, blaring foghorns, and the muffled inane chatter of ten thousand harpees wrought from Hell, you might have major depressive disorder!
If you're using this book as a stepstool to reach your hangin' beam, you might have major depressive disorder!
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Boy howdy, Jeff sure makes the crushing pain of daily existence sound fun, doesn't it?
If you eat cold beans out of the can because the thought of cooking them overwhelms you, you might have major depressive disorder!!
If you finally got out of bed after hours of working up to it, only to make it as far as the couch, you might have major depressive disorder!
If you look at the guitar that used to bring you joy and see only a wooden noose strung with broken dreams, you might have major depressive disorder!
If you think about taking a shower but conclude "What's the point? I'll only start smelling again once I die," you might have major depressive disorder!
If you feel guilty for missing a party, breaking up Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, and causing the Holocaust, you might have major depressive disorder!
If voicemails from your loved ones sound like nothing but static, blaring foghorns, and the muffled inane chatter of ten thousand harpees wrought from Hell, you might have major depressive disorder!
If you're using this book as a stepstool to reach your hangin' beam, you might have major depressive disorder!
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Boy howdy, Jeff sure makes the crushing pain of daily existence sound fun, doesn't it?
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