If you eat cold beans out of the can because the thought of cooking them overwhelms you, you might have major depressive disorder!!
If you finally got out of bed after hours of working up to it, only to make it as far as the couch, you might have major depressive disorder!
If you look at the guitar that used to bring you joy and see only a wooden noose strung with broken dreams, you might have major depressive disorder!
If you think about taking a shower but conclude "What's the point? I'll only start smelling again once I die," you might have major depressive disorder!
If you feel guilty for missing a party, breaking up Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, and causing the Holocaust, you might have major depressive disorder!
If voicemails from your loved ones sound like nothing but static, blaring foghorns, and the muffled inane chatter of ten thousand harpees wrought from Hell, you might have major depressive disorder!
If you're using this book as a stepstool to reach your hangin' beam, you might have major depressive disorder!
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Boy howdy, Jeff sure makes the crushing pain of daily existence sound fun, doesn't it?