Um, this post may be NSFW. There's no dirty pictures or anything (sorry), but I don't want to be held responsible if your dumb job can't handle swear words, white-hot text-based erotica (or as I like to call it, "white-hot sext-based e-write-ica"), or gross misconceptions of what is sexy on my part.
CHUCKESLUTS: A Sexy Story About Sex
But Crystal had bigger dreams- huge, heaving, globby dreams of being something greater. She wanted, more than anything in the world, to be a female stand up comedian. Night after night she went home to her apartment to watch VHS tapes of VH1's Stand-Up Spotlight (Krystal did not have cable). She watched sets from all of the great comediennes- Rosie O'Bonewell, Elayne Boobsler, Margaret Choad, Paula Poundstone - and thought "Yes, I could do this, too!" As she watched the jokes on tape, she would reach underneath her prescription flannel pajamas and place her hand ever so sexily on the side of her crotch. It was so super hot. Was it the temperature, or was it just her?
Crystal's life went on like this night after night, until one night that IT DIDN'T. And it was on that night she found an old copy of Henny Hungman's Big Book of Insluts. As she fingered the book, tracing its throbbing pages with her handtongues, she realized she could no longer simply fantasize about how much she wanted to be a comedian. She had to make her dream A SEX REALITY.
Come back for Chapter 2: Wet Hot American Cab Ride