Chapter 1 is here. Just as in the last post, the chapter is located after the jump. I'm sort of sensitive to you schlubs who might work in an a horrible office environment that could get pissy about you reading fake erotica. Wait did I say fake erotica, because I meant the most tantalizing chapter of written filth you have ever read. Yes, that's right, it is even sexier than the sequels to The Clan of the Cave Bear.
No pictures, just text. So the NSFW rating is up to you. If you don't want to risk it, here is a photo everyone can enjoy!
Enough of these Safe For Work distraction shenanigans! For the real deal, read more after ... the JUMP!
CHUCKLESLUTS: A Sexy Story About Sex
A few minutes before, she had called a taxi cab. "Hello, All City Taxi," the operator had said. "Hello, I need a cab... sooooo badly," Crystal had responded. "What address?" breathed the operator. "Thirteen Fifteen West Orange Street," Crystal had whispered, huskily. "Ten minutes," The operator had responded (who was talking normally but was mentally orgasming at that exact moment). Crystal was now waiting for the ride of her life.
The cab pulled up to Crystal. It was yellow, bright yellow. It reminded Crystal of "Springfelt", the pornographic animated movie where all the characters were clearly ripped off from The Simpsons. The memory excited her with a shot of vaginal electricity, like a bird on a wire who is not a bird, but is a vagina. Also the bird (vagina) is touching two wires, because otherwise it won't cause a shock. Crystal was too excited to get into the cab. She told the driver to start the meter and give her a minute. Then she began to sexually grope herself as if she had lost her keys inside her boobs. Suddenly, just as Crystal was publicly rubbing herself, a tall man with two handsome shoulder blades came around the corner.
"Oh, hello - is this your cab?" he asked. "My name's Todd, and I was looking for a ride downtown."
"Yes it's my cab, but I don't mind sharing," Crystal responded. "Hop on... inside." Crystal made sure to point to both the cab and her snatch when she said "inside" so that Todd would get the point, but so she still had an out in case he wasn't into it. Todd smiled and opened the door for Crystal, because he was a gentleman and an ass guy.
The cab had the distinctive odor of Yankee Candle and KY. On the seat there was a political cartoon left by the previous passenger. It was an old cartoon from the HW Bush era, lampooning former Vice President Dan Quayle. Crystal picked up the cartoon and rubbed it between her handtongues, feeling its papery texture. She looked up at Todd with slutty eyes and said, "How funny that this cartoon is here. Do you know that I lost my virginity during Dan Quayle's speech to the Commonwealth Club?"
Todd, dizzy from the cab scent, replied "I think we have a lot in common. I like to rub it out to audiotapes of PJ O'Rourke."
At the mention of the famed satirist, Crystal could no longer help herself. She moaned with pleasure and a little bit of crampiness, then leaned into Todd's ear and said "I need you to edit MY humor column ...right now." Todd was confused by this, so Crystal pointed to her snatch again. Todd, who as it turns out was totally into it, understood. He nodded his head and removed his rope belt. Crystal ripped off her sensible blouse. Well technically she took off her cardigan, then ripped off her blouse and then put the cardigan back on because she did not like to be cold during sex. Either way, her boobs were completely showing. Todd leaned down to her bosom like he was drinking from a park water fountain. He slurped on her titties so much and so hard. She cried out yes in several languages, to suggest that she enjoyed this.
By this time Todd's pants were off. Crystal saw his underpants and knew what to do. She said "Sir, I'm afraid there is a problem with your underpants. But don't worry, I'm a professional underwear inspector. And you're about to be inspected by Number 68."
Stay tuned for the next chapter, which will be named something else. I'll come up with one or else you leave one for me in the comments and maybe I'll use it.
CHUCKLESLUTS: The Other Chapters
Link to Chapter 1
Link to Chapter 3