Thank you to the 100-or-so of you who came and checked my blog this weekend to see if I'd posted anything. I have rewarded you with man's greatest achievement: INCONSISTENCY! What, you don't agree that inconsistency is man's greatest achievement? Okay then, go ahead and walk down the same woodsy path day after day after day. When you get eaten by bears - bears who can predict your every move - don't come crying to me. I suppose, however, that if you came crying to me after being eaten by bears, I should be very impressed.

Anyway, blah blah blah, I'm always right. To further reward you for your dedication, I present you with this recipe (adapted from the New York Times blog The Minimalist). Enjoy!

America, I have bills to pay.  This should be of no surprise to anyone because I am a) an adult and b) not a spoiled nitwit. Paying bills is going okay, but like most of you I could use a little financial security buffer. What if I were to have an emergency, such as an immediate and pressing need for as many pretzel M&Ms as could fit into a pool? It has come to my attention that the adult industry is extremely lucrative, financially, and requires little to no actual talent. I figure, why not ride this ocean wave until it stops waving and becomes just some loser motionless lake. So if you are over 18, totally feelin' ready to think about boning, and not currently reading this on a public library computer (cause that is just messed up, bro), then read more!

Um, this post may be NSFW. There's no dirty pictures or anything (sorry), but I don't want to be held responsible if your dumb job can't handle swear words, white-hot text-based erotica (or as I like to call it, "white-hot sext-based e-write-ica"), or gross misconceptions of what is sexy on my part.