Since it's been over a month since the last chapter of Chucklesluts: A Sexy Story About Sex, you know that this next and third chapter must be the most amazing thing anyone has ever read. Everyone knows that good things come to those who wait, patience is a virtue, etc etc. So, by the transitive property, the most excruciatingly best writing occurs on blogs with weeks and weeks separating each event. Jack Kerouac would try to convince you that he wrote all his "masterpieces" in one sitting, but are you going to believe that Demerol addict? Also: he's dead. Long-dead. So if Jack Kerouac is grifting you, I'd say that you got PROBLEMS.
This is the part of the post where I include the traditional warning that the content may be NSFW. There are no pictures - except for the disgusting dirty pictures you imagine in your mind, pervert! You're disgusting!!! So if you don't feel safe at work, then enjoy this picture of what I assume is a dog being carried up and away to Dog Heaven.
This is the part of the post where I include the traditional warning that the content may be NSFW. There are no pictures - except for the disgusting dirty pictures you imagine in your mind, pervert! You're disgusting!!! So if you don't feel safe at work, then enjoy this picture of what I assume is a dog being carried up and away to Dog Heaven.
I'll bet he's thinking of all the "bones" he's going to "bury" up there.
Little-known fact: Dog Heaven is swarming with dog pussy. Look at that, I still managed to filth it up before the jump. Well, there goes my career as children's party clown and/or office job asshole. Oh well.
Read more of Chucklesluts, Chapter 3 by clicking on READ MORE!
CHUCKLESLUTS: A Sexy Story About Sex
Chapter 3: Three Times a Laid-y
Chapter 3: Three Times a Laid-y
Just as Crystal was about to inspect Todd's underpants and sexily point out all the ways he was wearing them correctly, the cab came to a complete stop! "Oh no!" Crystal exclaimed. "We're at the comedy club!" Todd was confused and aroused. He wanted to hear Crystal talking but also wanted to see her jigglies bounce; he did not know what to do. He was so confused that he no longer remembered where he was supposed to go and decided to follow Crystal.
"Hey Inspector," breathed Todd, as he put his pants back on the right way. "I forgot where I was HEADed. Do you mind if I ... come along?" He made sure to emphasize these words very hard and use finger quotes, so that Crystal would get his clever play on words and would later wish to "finger quote" him, if you know what I mean. Crystal heard this request and got soaked. She nodded vigorously.
Crystal and Todd sprung out of the cab, floating excitedly like slutterflies (which are of course slutty butterflies). They were standing in front of The Comedy Whorehouse, the best stand-up club in the entire world. "They have an open mic tonight, and I'm going to sign up, " said Crystal, putting her blouse back on over her cardigan. She slipped her arms through the sleeves like two guys slipping two penises into two yarn-y vaginas and not minding the itch at all. Todd saw her arms go into the sleeves like an oily train in a hot cave and thought to himself "Oh yeah" - but not in the same cadence as the Kool-Aid Man. Much sexier.
Crystal and Todd walked into dark, smoky club. It was like walking into Vietnam- the sexiest war-torn jungle that has ever existed. Crystal thought about taking her blouse off. "I'm thinking about taking my blouse off," she whispered.
"What?" Todd said. He hadn't heard Crystal. It was pretty loud in there. Pretty loud and sexy.
"I said, 'I'm thinking about taking my blouse off,: said Crystal, a little louder. Todd cupped his ear and made the sign that he couldn't hear. Crystal licked her huge wet lips and took a deep breath. This time, she was going to say it loud. Really loud. But before she even start to heave her chest, Todd grabbed her. "There's the open mic sign up sheet!" He pointed toward the darkest and smokiest corner of the room, to a lady dressed like a nurse sitting at a table. There was a sign that said "Open Mic Sign Up." Apparently, Todd could read.
TO BE CONTINUED in the next installment of ... CHUCKESLUTS!
CHUCKLESLUTS: The Other Chapters
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 4
"Hey Inspector," breathed Todd, as he put his pants back on the right way. "I forgot where I was HEADed. Do you mind if I ... come along?" He made sure to emphasize these words very hard and use finger quotes, so that Crystal would get his clever play on words and would later wish to "finger quote" him, if you know what I mean. Crystal heard this request and got soaked. She nodded vigorously.
Crystal and Todd sprung out of the cab, floating excitedly like slutterflies (which are of course slutty butterflies). They were standing in front of The Comedy Whorehouse, the best stand-up club in the entire world. "They have an open mic tonight, and I'm going to sign up, " said Crystal, putting her blouse back on over her cardigan. She slipped her arms through the sleeves like two guys slipping two penises into two yarn-y vaginas and not minding the itch at all. Todd saw her arms go into the sleeves like an oily train in a hot cave and thought to himself "Oh yeah" - but not in the same cadence as the Kool-Aid Man. Much sexier.
Crystal and Todd walked into dark, smoky club. It was like walking into Vietnam- the sexiest war-torn jungle that has ever existed. Crystal thought about taking her blouse off. "I'm thinking about taking my blouse off," she whispered.
"What?" Todd said. He hadn't heard Crystal. It was pretty loud in there. Pretty loud and sexy.
"I said, 'I'm thinking about taking my blouse off,: said Crystal, a little louder. Todd cupped his ear and made the sign that he couldn't hear. Crystal licked her huge wet lips and took a deep breath. This time, she was going to say it loud. Really loud. But before she even start to heave her chest, Todd grabbed her. "There's the open mic sign up sheet!" He pointed toward the darkest and smokiest corner of the room, to a lady dressed like a nurse sitting at a table. There was a sign that said "Open Mic Sign Up." Apparently, Todd could read.
TO BE CONTINUED in the next installment of ... CHUCKESLUTS!
CHUCKLESLUTS: The Other Chapters
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 4
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