As always, I have a terrible sense of responsibility for things I have nothing to do with, so don't read more if you're a kid or at work or some stuck-up shit bag. It isn't even that graphic, but you know how people are (read: the worst).
Crystal signed up for the Open Mic. Her long, witchy fingers wrapped around the pencil like a farmer holding a cow nipple in a sexy way. Todd watched her with integrity and also the desire to do it. He could not believe he had found this woman on the street, this incredible woman who could both wear clothes attractively and do jokes. He could not wait to get her somewhere a little less depressing than a local comedy club's open mic night to totally pound her.
Crystal speculated that Todd was watching her sign up. She signed each letter of her name slowly, saying it out loud in a whispery breath. "C," she said huskily. "R. Y. S." She paused roughly halfway through her name and winked both eyes at Todd. Each eyelid bounced up and down slowly, and it reminded Todd of sex somehow. He immediately began to put his hand inside his pants.
"Crystal, if you need any help coming up with a punchline..." he trailed off uncontrollably.
"Don't worry, Todd. I've got all the jokes I need, right.... HERE." She punctuated the word here by pointing to her vagina. Todd laughed, because he found this clever, and also his boner got bigger.
Crystal walked over to Todd, unbuttoning her blouse and exposing her bare cardigan. Her hips swayed like two ships doing it on the water. "I'm going to start with the difference between men and women. Why is it that men are always watching TV and burping, when women are always getting paid less for the same work?" She draped her right arm over Todd's shoulder and draped her left arm over her shoulder, to show him that men and women are equal. Then she frenched him SUPER hard.
I'm all outta steam. If this didn't do it for you, you'll just have to pick up a copy of Clan of the Cave Bear to finish off. I don't know where else you'll find writing as sexy as this.
CHUCKLESLUTS: The Other Chapters