Didn't get enough of the sloppy editing and clumsy dialogue in CHUCKLESLUTS, Parts 1, 2, and 3? Then you're probably a spam bot! But seriously folks, a quick review of my web traffic statistics suggests CHUCKLESLUTS is my most popular work. Thanks for being perverts, perverts! Of course, the original purpose of me creating this series was so I could feel the joy of heartfelt artistic expression. And by "artisitic expression", I mean "checks made out to 'CASH'." And by heartfelt, I mean "a lot of". And by joy, I mean "financial windfall." So far this dream isn't really coming through, but they say that positive thinking prevents positive drinking (and by the transitive property: positive STD results). So put down that Boone's Farm and that sawed off shotgun, and pick up that checkbook and that book of stamps. I'm partial to the Danny Thomas Forever collection.
As always, I have a terrible sense of responsibility for things I have nothing to do with, so don't read more if you're a kid or at work or some stuck-up shit bag. It isn't even that graphic, but you know how people are (read: the worst).
As always, I have a terrible sense of responsibility for things I have nothing to do with, so don't read more if you're a kid or at work or some stuck-up shit bag. It isn't even that graphic, but you know how people are (read: the worst).
This photo: nothing to do with anything, or everything to do with EVERYTHING?
CHUCKLESLUTS: A Sexy Story About Sex
Chapter 4
Chapter 4
When we last left Crystal and Todd, Crystal was about to sign up for the Open Mic. Ever since seeing a stand up special on TV, it's been her dream to sign up for an Open Mic. Will she sign up for the Open Mic?
Crystal signed up for the Open Mic. Her long, witchy fingers wrapped around the pencil like a farmer holding a cow nipple in a sexy way. Todd watched her with integrity and also the desire to do it. He could not believe he had found this woman on the street, this incredible woman who could both wear clothes attractively and do jokes. He could not wait to get her somewhere a little less depressing than a local comedy club's open mic night to totally pound her.
Crystal speculated that Todd was watching her sign up. She signed each letter of her name slowly, saying it out loud in a whispery breath. "C," she said huskily. "R. Y. S." She paused roughly halfway through her name and winked both eyes at Todd. Each eyelid bounced up and down slowly, and it reminded Todd of sex somehow. He immediately began to put his hand inside his pants.
"Crystal, if you need any help coming up with a punchline..." he trailed off uncontrollably.
"Don't worry, Todd. I've got all the jokes I need, right.... HERE." She punctuated the word here by pointing to her vagina. Todd laughed, because he found this clever, and also his boner got bigger.
Crystal walked over to Todd, unbuttoning her blouse and exposing her bare cardigan. Her hips swayed like two ships doing it on the water. "I'm going to start with the difference between men and women. Why is it that men are always watching TV and burping, when women are always getting paid less for the same work?" She draped her right arm over Todd's shoulder and draped her left arm over her shoulder, to show him that men and women are equal. Then she frenched him SUPER hard.
I'm all outta steam. If this didn't do it for you, you'll just have to pick up a copy of Clan of the Cave Bear to finish off. I don't know where else you'll find writing as sexy as this.
CHUCKLESLUTS: The Other Chapters
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 5
Crystal signed up for the Open Mic. Her long, witchy fingers wrapped around the pencil like a farmer holding a cow nipple in a sexy way. Todd watched her with integrity and also the desire to do it. He could not believe he had found this woman on the street, this incredible woman who could both wear clothes attractively and do jokes. He could not wait to get her somewhere a little less depressing than a local comedy club's open mic night to totally pound her.
Crystal speculated that Todd was watching her sign up. She signed each letter of her name slowly, saying it out loud in a whispery breath. "C," she said huskily. "R. Y. S." She paused roughly halfway through her name and winked both eyes at Todd. Each eyelid bounced up and down slowly, and it reminded Todd of sex somehow. He immediately began to put his hand inside his pants.
"Crystal, if you need any help coming up with a punchline..." he trailed off uncontrollably.
"Don't worry, Todd. I've got all the jokes I need, right.... HERE." She punctuated the word here by pointing to her vagina. Todd laughed, because he found this clever, and also his boner got bigger.
Crystal walked over to Todd, unbuttoning her blouse and exposing her bare cardigan. Her hips swayed like two ships doing it on the water. "I'm going to start with the difference between men and women. Why is it that men are always watching TV and burping, when women are always getting paid less for the same work?" She draped her right arm over Todd's shoulder and draped her left arm over her shoulder, to show him that men and women are equal. Then she frenched him SUPER hard.
I'm all outta steam. If this didn't do it for you, you'll just have to pick up a copy of Clan of the Cave Bear to finish off. I don't know where else you'll find writing as sexy as this.
CHUCKLESLUTS: The Other Chapters
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 5
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